A lot has been written about the ‘sandwich generation’ since Dorothy Miller first coined the phrase back in 1981. Having to cater for the needs of the young and demanding at the same time as the old and vulnerable can be very stressful and emotionally draining, making those involved feel like they are being pulled in two directions at once and that they don’t have any time or resources left for themselves.

Friends of mine who have found themselves in this position commented: ‘It is impossible to keep everyone happy. Impossible.’ ‘I will be 60 in October and I know very few women of my age who can call their lives their own.’ ‘Give me back my life!’

For some it is the poignant similarities between caring for the young and the old that resonate. ‘They start off wearing a nappy -- they end up wearing a nappy!’ one person commented, and another explained that it seems like one day her mother was pushing her sons in their prams and the next day they were pushing her in her wheelchair.

I know very few women of my age who can call their lives their own. Give me back my life!

But what about those of a similar age who have no children, either by choice or circumstances, and who have already lost their parents?

We live in a society that is, understandably, very family-focussed. Politicians constantly aim their comments at ‘hard-working families’ as though those of us who are single and childless are irrelevant. When the prices of household bills go up there’s an outcry on the media about how this will affect hard-hit families as though those of us who don’t live in a traditional family set up don’t have any outgoings. Sometimes it’s hard to escape the feeling that by not fitting into the sandwich generation you’ve somehow become invisible.

Those with children have spent the last few weeks worrying about whether they’ll get into the right school or whether they’ll pass their exams and get into university before the fees go through the roof. Some will sadly have been worrying whether their youngsters were caught up in the recent riots and praying that they weren’t. The media airwaves have been full of exhortations to parents about what they should and shouldn’t do – using the term ‘we’ as though it applies to everyone.

Sometimes it’s hard to escape the feeling that by not fitting into the sandwich generation you’ve somehow become invisible

Meanwhile, people with elderly or infirm parents will have concerns about the quality of care available to their loved ones, and will probably also be wondering how on earth they’re going to afford to pay for it. Most will have been understandably horrified by the recent news stories about elderly health care not being as good as it should be. Those with both dependent children and dependent parents may well be wondering if they’ll ever get a rest from worrying.

As someone who isn’t part of the sandwich generation, it’s not as though I don’t care about those issues. I’m a school governor, so I care very much about the education that is being provided for other people’s children. And of course I care that the elderly and infirm should get the best medical treatment and social support possible. But I don’t have a personal stake in either of those things and that sometimes makes me feel excluded from the lives and concerns of my peer group.

Those with both dependent children and dependent parents may well be wondering if they’ll ever get a rest from worrying

I’m 43, I lost both my parents when I was in my thirties and I have no partner or children. I have a very full and happy life with lots of friends and extended family, but it is that feeling of having no place in the generational structure and no personal involvement in a lot of the issues that others of my age are concerned with that can make me feel like I’m living in limbo.

Of course being part of the non-sandwich generation is not all bad. Not having any caring responsibilities means greater freedom and a lot less worry. I get to enjoy spending time with the children of friends, and although I don’t have any parents I do have an aunt and uncle I’m very close to who’ve become like surrogate parents to me. But none of those people actually rely on me to look after them and I don’t have the same connection to them as if they did.

I’m glad that I’ll never have to worry about whether to put my parents in a care home or not

I’m glad that I’ll never have to worry about whether to put my parents in a care home or not. I’ll never need to make the decision about whether their mental faculties have deteriorated so much that they can’t be left unattended. And that is a weight off my mind. Although I feel that I’m missing out in some ways by not having children, I do feel relieved that I don’t have to torture myself about where my kids are and whether they’re safe all the time as parents do.

Maybe part of the answer to the feeling of exclusion is something I’ve already discovered for myself. Even though I’m not part of the sandwich generation I can still contribute by getting involved with other people’s children and spending time with older relatives. Maybe by doing that, I can help share the load with some of those who are feeling the strain that comes from being the filling in the sandwich, and by helping them I can help myself to have the best of both worlds.